I Am Afraid To Tell You That I Love You… (with Bikol Version)

I Am Afraid To Tell You That I Love You…

I am afraid to tell you that I love you

For I would give you the power to hurt me

I am afraid to tell you that I love you

For I could possibly hurt you, too.

I am afraid to tell you that I love you

For I do not know if it could last forever

For in this world, only one thing is unalterable

And this is change…

I am afraid to tell you that I love you

For if you love me, too,

You would feel the same fear, too.

I am afraid to tell you that I love you

For I do not know

If I could bear the pain

If you negate what I feel…

But in reality,

At the very moment that I love you,

I give you already the power

To dominate me…

But why I should be worry…

If I will only give due respect

To what I am feeling now.

Natatakot Akong Sabihon na Namomotan Ta Ka…

Natatakot akong sabihon na namomotan ta ka

nin huli ta tatawan ta ka lang

nin kusog na kulgan ako…

Natatakot akong sabihon na namomotan ta ka

nin huli ta possible ta ka mang makulgan…

Natatakot akong sabihon na namomotan ta ka

nin huli ta dae ko aram

kun ining pagkamoot ko

mag-antos sa kasagkoran

nin huli ta igdi sa kinaban

saro sana an dae minabagô

asin ini an pagbabagô…

Natatakot akong sabihon na namomotan ta ka

nin huli ta dae ko aram

kun kaya kong darahon an kulog

kun an pagkamoot ko simong negaran…

Natatakot akong sabihon na namomotan ta ka

nin huli ta kun mamotan mo man ako

baka mamatean mo man

an sakong kinatatakutan…

Pero sa katotoohan,

kan pinakapunto na ika sakong namotan

tinawan ta ka na nin kusog

na ako simong masakop…

Pero tano man ta ako dapat na mahandal

kun tinatawan galang ko lang

tinatawan galang ko lang

an sakong namamatean ngonyan.

I Am Flying With Love (Love Dove’s Message)

Dove, dove, dove, flying above…

Love, love, love, I am falling in love…

This is just the core message of these combined words…

Wrapped and tied with sweet and amorous cord…

This is maybe used word too much in the history…

Or somehow cliché to hear today…

But still I want to use in this poetry…

For it is what I feel for you today…

Yes, I am falling in love with you…

That is why I say I love you…

But please don’t say the same…

If your heart doesn’t mean…

It is better to feel the pain…

Than to live in a dream…

I just want you to know what is inside me…

But it’s up to you if you will lend me the key…

When I reveal what I feel…

It is my heart that tells…

I love you is not the spell…

To ring out your heart’s bell…

Love is what my heart dictates…

So I say it to give justice…

To the beat which keep on knocking me…

That is why I make myself ready…

To speak out this emotive reality…

I will say it even in a bended knee…

With a bullet of sincerity…

By a trigger of integrity…

Before the innocence of your eyes…

I will tell you mine with rhymes…

In a cadence to my heartbeat within…

In expressing my genuine feeling…

Dove, dove, dove, bring me above…

Love, love, love, this is all I have…

Up, up, up, I am flying with love…

Catch me please, I am falling in love…

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” I say…

Please listen very cordially…

For I am divulging the bareness of my heart…

This maybe the end of this poetry but I’m just doing the start…

Dove, dove, dove, bring me above…

Love, love, love, this is all I have…

Up, up, up, I am flying with love…

Catch me please, I am falling in love…

Breaking the Castle with Love

I, Johannes Marus of the Arian Kingdom

Prepared myself for the battle of Mascarade.

Before leaving my castle of pretension

I double-checked my armor to be more secured.

I locked my chest for my heart could not be disturbed.

But how useless it was

Only to find myself helpless

in the hand of the mighty transcendent warrior.

Eros, the king of love, shot me by his divine arrow.

No matter how intense my golden shield was

His strength even penetrated to my diamond ribs

Oh, no! I was lost! I was lost!

I was defeated!

But when I awoke

From the slumber of numbness and helplessness

Flowing blood was no hurt at all

But glory and sweetness were given to my resurrected heart.

I taught I was lost but definitely not, ‘coz I won either, I won!

The arrow of Eros brought me not to death

But to the surprises of life.

His winged arrow brought me to the unexpected.

He brought me to the side of Princess Hannah of Shirledon,

a kingdom in the midst of the ocean.

I maybe a king of denial or a prince of self-hypocrisy,

But for now I am sure that I am just a humble knight

Who has nothing but a beat of heart.

Or a simple cavalier who knows only to fight for his love.

O my princess, an heiress of the beauty of the goddess Venus.

O my princess, how your innocent eyes captured me?

O my princess, how pitiful I am?

how loser I would be if I could not win your majestic love?

If really I could not, it’s much better to be killed by the million swords,

than continuously winning without you at my side.

O my princess, O my princess,

Let me enter your kingdom of love.

Let me sail or just swim toward you at the ocean of heart.

No matter how strong are the waves,

No matter how pirates and sea-knights would hinder me,

I will continue and persist even I am alone in my battle ship.

I will never lost hope of being at your side soon.

I will not cease fighting for you to love me…

…for you and me be together in the single kingdom.

I will fight with your name as my battle cry…

“Hannah, O Hannah”…I love you…

It’s Not Mine

Marching with flying colors would make one man to walk in summit of the rainbow. Walking in the red carpet would make one a celebrity. Hanging certificates of honors and recognition with the bold written letters imprinted would make one name to be prominent to all and a feeling of superiority. Sweet and crispy appraisal of the people around him/her would make one’s ears reach the height of pride. Standing oblation would make one walk with his chin up. Nothing he/she sense but the applauding clap and praising lips. These are all devastating thought if the person who is opportune by all favorable gifts would think that honors and praises are necessary to be given to and for him/her as if all his/her talents are all comes from his/her own ability without the help of the other.

Is there anyone in this world who could tell to all that his/her humanity and all his/her strength is just come from his/her own? If has, how ignorant he/she is. How poor his/her knowledge is if the thing he/she knows are all selfishness and boastfulness? They are not learned at all.

How I wish that there are no people who are so much attached to appraisal for himself by other people. Treating him/her idol is his/her great dream. Trophies, ribbons, medals and prizes are his/her riches. Praise and affirmation is all that he/she wants. How pitiful he/she is?

We are just a custodian of all the gifts we have received from the one who has the all attributes which he just shares to us. We are just a vessel of talents that are necessarily to be poured out and used, not only for your own need and gratification but also for all who surround you. It is our responsible to develop. Imagine a glass that is filled with a clean and clear drinking water. If this entity would not be shared of or drank, it will just end to stagnancy that probably even the poisonous mosquito would make it a habitat.

We are just an instrument and means of all the skills and talents for this would be realized and applied to life. These are essentials in life as we are essential to the one who gave it to us. I am not criticizing our attitude of being happy because of the praise of others but the attitude of boastfulness as if we are only the reason why a thing is done. We sometimes do not even recognize the one and primary principle of all our gifts. These are our debts to him but we sometimes act as if the principal causality of all these has the debt to us if we do our part most especially in times that our efforts are being applied and acted. Either if we recognize His presence, we think that it is a duty of that principal cause to give us the necessary support for us to pass these challenges in life. We become ungrateful that is why sometimes we own in ourselves the recognition and affirmation.

While reflecting on this thing, I am being disposed to prayer. I pray that God who is the principal cause of my whole existence would help me to make humble and accept my nothingness if not through his mercy. I am only a medium of His goodness for others yet a gifted instrument who carries the name of His merciful love. I pray that for every good things I had done, I am doing and I have to do, the praise and honor is not mine but to Him. I pray that I should be contented and pleased by being His instrument of mercy. This is maybe a humble thing but glorious crown to be worn.

God and His Wristwatch

I am looking at the clock hanging at the wall of our classroom. It moves its hands and ticks in a cadence. No one could stop it unless we destroy it and mostly, unless, its principal battery system fails to manipulate it due to disconnection of power.

If we try to transcend from this material clock to spiritual time, we can realize that times moves by its own. No one could really interrupt it except of someone who is not governed by time. This someone must be a being who is eternal.

Time is only an instrument of the eternal being so that those under the roof of time would realize their temporality on this earth. Time is a media to show to us the finiteness of our existence. Time guides us to the journey of growth and maturity. Time teaches us the virtue of patience and hope. Time challenges and makes us ready to enter the gate of eternity.

The eternal being that I am saying is, of course, no other than but God. God has a wristwatch which he keeps on watching. Inside this little sphere in His wrist are his creation especially man. Here, through the presence of time, everybody is being challenged in climbing the mountain of time for them to reach the peak of eternity. God has the power to stop the time anytime he wants. At a click in eternity, time will vanish. At that moment, the finding of God as he watches in his wristwatch through the instrumentality of time, people will be judged according to his/her response to the challenges of time here on earth.

Time is made by God for the good of us. But if we find time as burden, pessimistic boundary and a state of struggle and suffering, these will be just accidental effect due to our negative reaction to its work.

Time is commissioned to bring strength to us to be carried as we step in eternity. In this eternity, life is different. There, is only constant disposition. That is why time is preparing us to be persistent in our life and to humbly accept our contingency to our necessary destiny who is God.

As I said, time is a mean of God to prepare us to eternity. But the other problem is that we disregard it. We are wasting the opportunity which time offers. We just let it to fly away from our changing moment. Opportunity, as in adage, knocks only once. You grab it once or you lose it forever.

The Sinner

We are sinners before God...

Penitencia sa Semane Santa

I took these videos in the Parish of Piux X at Villazar, Sipocot, Camarines Sur last Holy Week 2008.

SAITE MIZUUMI

Dedicated to: Mayumi Saito

Hello my dear friend

A pleasant day to you

I wish that your cuteness will remain forever

As well your sweetness and your kindness

The innocence in your eyes

Reminding me of the angel of God.

Smile is your weapon that catches the friendship of anybody

Your fine little voice is a music from heaven's gate.

(The following are Japanese.

It is not standard.

This could even wrong.

If anyone there know how, please help me to fix it.)

Konnichi wa komatta no imuoto

Hajimemashite kyo

anata kirei na okurimono made watashi desu

Anata utaero uta no saite mizuumi

Naka no shi, heiwa to daisuki kikoemasu

ugoite watashi made anata

A, saite mizuumi, anata kirei ne

konna hana dansu naka mizu de kazu

anata tsukutte no hi subarashi desu.

Kumusta na kaibigan

Pangalan mo'y nagmula pa sa kagandahan ng araw

Kahit pagdilim di pa rin mawaglit

Ang iyong natatanging rikit

Tulad na lamang ng bituin sa langit

O kayyumi, O kayganda.

Kumusta na sakuyang tugang

sakong namomotan asin pinapadangat

dai nene magparasirot

ta baka ta ka makodot

asin dai ngani magparamurusdot

Ta baka ika pa an magibong pambangot

alagad iyan suba asin lambing sana kan saimong kuya

dai man igot

baka ngani ako pa an saimong mapingot.

Domo arigato

Dozo yoroshiku onegai shimasu

Dozo itsumo ogenki de

Always remember that life is beautiful

Sore de itsumo waratte

Always smile

Marami sa iyong nagmamahal

Yaon lang kami sa saimo.

TE AMAMUS!!!

San Fernando, Camarines Sur

I was assigned in the Parish of St. John the Baptist in San Fernando, Camarines Sur. Together with me in this assignment were Sem. Jonathan Rodriguez, Sem. Aldrin Adolfo, Sem. Rodel Joven, and Sem. Gerald dela Cruz. Fr. Antonio Felix, the parish priest, delegated us in Brgy. Pamukid to conduct the Saradit na Kristiyanong Komunidad Survey (SKK) survey, rechecking and/or re-awakening of such group. A week after, we went to some other barangay such as Grijalvo, Beberon, Bonifacio & lastly, Lupi.

Not Just A Verse

Hi! I’m Jan

Why Jan?

I don’t know.

I even asked my parents

But they don’t know, too.

They just named me Jan.

Maybe Elizabeth and Zechariah know

Why this name was given to me.

On the 3^rd day of February I was born

After the feast of the presentation of our Lord

Number 3, number 3

I just like it because it’s my birthday number.

What it means?

I don’t know.

But for some it means eternity

The past, the present and the future

Maybe the Blessed Trinity knows

Why number 3 is connected to me.

One day in my sixteen years of age

While scanning in the magazine

I was hooked

By a word and numbers

Somehow like a code

That I felt was connected to me

At that time when I was sixteen years of age

I asked what it means to me

What content it has

What the code wanted to tell me.

Once again,

Hi! I’m Jan

Three is my number

And when I was sixteen years old

I found this verse…

I found this mysterious verse:

John 3:16

I asked the Bible,

And it said to me:

“For God so loved the world

He gave His Only Son”.

I closed my eyes

I prayed.

Then I asked God:

What do you want of me Lord?

Upon gazing in Him inside my reflection.

He smiled and said:

“Love others as I love you”.

Heart's Tranquil Music

My dearly brethren, do you want to hear

The tune which yourself really want to hear?

In it is the sound of the living flame

Which enkindle you to your real mean.

In it is the brass mirror of magic

It’s not of trickery but authentic

In it is the voice coming from heaven.

Leading you to the path where you should have been.

Just focus, it’s not really audible

Essentiality’s not just sensible

Needed here, is sincerity of heart

To material world you must be apart.

Want to hear the music of emptiness?

Yet in it is filled with divine brightness.

It is not just showing of who you are

But plotting your note in the sound of lyre.

What is it? But harmony of silence

Where you can hear the words of your conscience

The consciousness where God talking to you

Whispering words of how God loves you so.

Your beingness here will be examined

Cordially seeing your will’s discipline

Encouraging you to desire the heart of clean

Knowing that this life is through and for Him.

Silence, silence where your soul finds its rest

In God, in God where you can find the best

Silence is but a tranquil music

Rhythming your life to what is basic.

Silence is the greatest among all pieces

Master piece intends for spiritual feast

God composed to create life’s harmony

To make ev’ry breath, praising melody.

The Starting Point

Hi!!!
Normally, a simple to eternal conversation starts with a simple hi or a simple hello. So my dear friends... HELLO! HI to all of of you.

PRO OCTAVO SACRAMENTO: Heart’s Secular Sacrament

I was born as nobody

Having life which is lifeless

O please twist this paradox

By pouring out the water of new life

Through incorporation into your friendship.

I am growing up weak

And just drowning to immaturity

O please strengthen me to get up

To courageously spread again the ripple of love

Just anoint me by the oil of empowerment.

I am searching for nourishment

For sustaining the beat of my dying heart

O please feed me the bread of immortality

And give me wine of sincerity

Just let me dine with you in the candle-lighted table.

I am wounded because of love

I am losing my way back home

O please restore the sound of my heart

Heal me to love once again

By forgiving the hurts and turning it into love.

I am preparing myself for the covenant of love

But there is no one to receive it

O could you be the one?

Could I share to you my love and faithfulness?

Could I hope for a sweet “I do” or a negating “no”?

I am preparing myself for the service of love

But there is no one to be served up

O could you be the recipient of it?

Could you ordain me as your faithful knight?

Could you accept my obedience or you do not need someone else?

I am suffering almost towards death

Because the love that I am searching is no where to find

O could you bring back my confidence in loving?

Could you help me be unafraid to face anything for love?

Could you journey with me to the eternal love?

I almost spend my time searching

And almost losing the light of hope

I almost want to quit

But life sends me the unexpected one

You who are the answer to my sincere prayer.

O my dearest eighth sacramento, visible sign of love…

Please give me grace to redirect the meaning of life.

Could you accept the wish of a dreaming “I”?

O my dearest eighth sacramento, is your real name “LOVE”?

But whatever it is, could it already be “YOU”?